…….Then he commanded me to get on the bike. I did as he commanded fearful of not getting on the bike. He fired it up, peeled out and the terror ride home began. I was screaming all the while sobbing through tears because I am quite literally almost paralyzed with my own fear we’re going so fast. There’s no calming the rage that’s brewing inside him, and the motorcycle is the tool he used to power through the fit of furiousness. I was along for the ride whether I liked it or not. He’s playing chicken with oncoming cars. He eventually swerved in front of a car and I screamed and we ended up on the opposite side of road’s shoulder to avoid the head on collision he tried to create. We came to a stop and my words I said earlier had come back to haunt me because once we came to a stop, John said, ‘I thought that you were not afraid to die’. I believe that was the enemy’s voice. One thing is for sure. God was with us on that bike and I wasn’t meant to die there, because if it were up to him I believe he would have killed us both for my actions that night.
This is a chapter summary of Chapter 2 in my book proposal……
In this chapter, the author summarizes a life of destruction by the time that she is 30 years old. “By the time I was 30 years old I had quit high school, been married and divorced, became a crack addict, been arrested more times than most men, had 3 abortions, became addicted to prescription drugs. I attracted men and women alike who would not see my value, developed an anxiety disorder and ended up with cancer. It’s no wonder that I ended up sick. I was emotionally sick and self-destructive. The lies that I believed controlled the way that I thought, which changed the way that I spoke and ultimately affected what I attracted in my life”. The author’s life will be indirectly changed by her father’s hospital visit from a local pastor. The power of prayer changes everything!
Here is another sneak peek of my memoir ‘One Way Out’ which is soon to be released.
Because of the dysfunctional foundation that was being laid out for me, it affected the way I saw myself and the choices that I made. Fast forwarding through 20+ years, I have gone through dropping out of high school, my own divorce, struggled as a crack addict, been arrested several times and put on probation, had three abortions, and survived cancer. If all of this was not enough to go through I was faced with the most difficult battle of my life. I was kidnapped in the Dallas area, blind folded, tied up, and held against my will for 12 agonizing hours. As I was being held by my captor, he told me precisely how he was going to kill me……
My book has been collecting dust, sitting on a metaphoical shelf since 2003. I have taken some detours, been distracted, been afraid to dive deep into my pain and walking out my refinement and lessons. I am projecting to release my story, which is God’s story in hopes of giving him great glory and bringing a message of HOPE to his children. Nothing is impossible with God and He is our only way out. Here is a preview….
by Cynthia Kirtley
© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED – CK MINISTRIES
“You’re going to kill me,” I heard myself cry out. It’s one in the morning and I am blindfolded and terrified. I hear only the sound of my own heart beating. My hands are now tied behind my back. The needle he used to sedate me still hanging from the position in my arm. The man I thought I loved now held me hostage. I wondered if this was a dream, but it isn’t. The sweaty stench of his debauchery fills the air. Hours pass and I am only able to remove my blindfold by moving my head maneuvering my body against the bed to allow it to slip off my head. In my despair only one thought came to me. “God where are you?” The hours of captivity changed my life far more than I ever thought it could and it would be only the beginning of my journey. This is my story.
I want to touch briefly on a subject that everyone can identify with. In fact when I poll audiences …asked this question it’s always 99%. How many of you have ever been on the receiving end of any type of rejection?
I would be one of those in the room raising my hand.
I have most recently been blindsided by rejection.
I felt that when I was hit with this particular rejection, nobody stood up to defend me.
And God began to give me his word ‘no weapon formed against me shall prosper and every tongue that rises up against me the Lord shut it down’.
I just began reading that and confessing that for months.
And found out after Christmas that someone was willing to stand up for me and defend me and when that opportunity presented itself, it did not happen.
I was devastated and for 24 hours I could not shake the devastation that I felt.
God knew I felt rejected and God knew I was hurt.
And I began to start going through my inventory process and dealing with my negative emotions.
This is what I believe that God started speaking to me about my hurt.
He was correlating it to that of a two-year-old. When a two-year-old is having a fit the best thing to do is to not reward the bad behavior. The purpose of the fit is to get Instant gratification or gratifying the flesh.
God said you know I could move on this person’s behalf and have them apologize to you because nothing is impossible with me and I could move through someone else and have them defend you. But I’m not interested in you getting an apology just so you can feel better. I don’t want to just gratify your flesh, I want you to be OK no matter what
At that moment I thought about Joseph in the book of Genesis. Joseph was the youngest of his brothers, he was favored by his father and his brothers were jealous. So they decided one day to take him out and kill him and they realized that he was worth more to them alive than he was dead. So they sold him into slavery they put blood all over his coat and made his father believe that he had been killed by an animal. Next he was sold into pharaohs house and became in charge of his household. Pharaohs’s wife found him to be very attractive and pursued him and when he denied her she basically accused him of raping her. He was then sent to prison for another 13 years. God had a plan for him. Everything that he had been through Molded and shaped his character. He ends of interpreting a dream for the king that time and he was promoted to second in charge over all of Israel. At the time there was a famine in the land and people were coming from all over to get food and his brothers were suddenly face to face with Joseph. They were instantly shocked and in fear that he would kill them. He had that power. His character being revealed he said to them what you meant for my harm God meant for my good !!
And I took that God could have moved for people to satisfy my flesh to make me feel better but you know God doesn’t want us to be better just because of an apology. The truth is is that we are fearfully and wonderfully made we are loved and accepted by him and it doesn’t matter what people say about us or what people do to us that does not change our identity in Christ and our value in him.
What if God allowed something to happen or not to happen to you so that you could change your paradigm, so that you could have an intersection with healing and knowing who you are in Him?
When you put things like that in perspective it helps when we see scripture about counting it all joy when we face Trials because it is creating perseverance and it’s building our faith.
I’d like to say that when I’m faced with a battle or a trial it’s an opportunity for me to grow and to learn and become better and more Christlike.
Beloved, I pray that you see God that he is good and every good and perfect gift comes from him and when you face trials that He would open your spiritual eyes and see it as an opportunity to help you grow and become more like him. That you would see yourself through his eyes that you are not a victim, but that you are more than a conqueror!
That no weapon formed against you will prosper and every tongue that rises up against you and the Lord will shut it down. Amen