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28 Jul

My presence shall go with you and I will give you Rest.  Exodus 33:14

There is truly nothing more refreshing than a supernatural rest from the Lord.  When the Lord spoke this to me, I thought I am finally going to start sleeping better, but that was a much smaller thing than what the Lord really meant.  I am going through a recovery/discovery process and in this journey I am having to do an inventory of my past.  In this process of uncovering the layers of issues, I am discovering that along with painful memories are also emotions that are attached.  First of all, in this process I have been astonished at what is being exposed.  I had been struggling with anger for a couple of months and it was an anger that felt different that anything I had ever experienced and it was uncontrollable and I began to become fearful that this strong emotion would hospitalize me.  Finally one night I asked the Lord where this anger was coming from because I was taking it out on everyone and everything.  That night I had a vision of my grandfather and he was upsetting me very much and then I had just walked away from him as nothing had ever happened !  Thats it!  God was exposing a wound of such deep hurt and I was shocked at how angry I was.  My grandfather who I loved very much had abandoned his whole family including me after my grandmother had died.  My grandfather would always tell me he was coming to pick  me up to spend time with me, and he would never show up.  I would sit at the kitchen window looking for his car to come down the street, I would sit there for hours…….this went on for years.   My grandfather eventually married a woman who had several children and he basically adopted them as his family and we rarely saw or heard from him.  When I would see my grandfather at holidays, I enjoyed seeing him and I did not feel angry towards him, in fact, I was glad to see him……deep down inside I had to be hurting.  Just like my vision, I had gone on with life as usual, as if nothing had happened.  I apparently had a great coping skill to just pretend it did not hurt and I was able to love him….I had no idea how hurt and angry I was.  What a relief to know where the anger root lied, I cried out to God about how much I missed him and loved him and did not understand why he left us.  That night I also believe I was released from the fear of people that I love would leave me.   The truth is, who knows how much my grandfather was hurting after the death of my grandmother, was that the way to cope for him, to have another family?  That day I was relieved and forgave my grandfather and released the hurt and anger to God.  Ah, now I am walking in the supernatural rest of God, free now from the hurt and anger and walking in forgiveness.  My grandfather passed several years ago…..I am glad that he never knew how hurt and angry I was with him because I loved him despite everything.  I am grateful to be resting emotionally from that wound of my past.   Like me, you might be surprised to know that there are hidden hurts from your past that are manifesting is many different ways, such as fear, anger, addiction, etc.  God desires for you to have rest and ask him today to reveal any roots from your past that are hindering you.  God loves you so much and wants you to live the abundant life that He died to give you.

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Posted by on July 28, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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