What am I doing?

06 Jun

For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.  Romans 7:15

 I have recently gone through another broken engagement.  It was my choice because I felt that we were headed down different spiritual paths and felt that it would complicate things for us in the future.  Nonetheless I am still upset, but know I had made the right decision.  The biggest issue is that we work together.  I understand his feelings, but have a hard time dealing with his actions towards me.  I am seeing someone else and am getting flowers from this individual and I am certain that this has a lot to do with the dynamics at the office.  Most recently I noticed that we are no longer connections on a professional network site and it shocked me.  I realized that I had recommended him on this site for his customers, so I felt that if he did not want to be connected with me, then he would no longer need my recommendation.  As I was about to click ‘delete’ I felt the nudge of the Holy Spirit – don’t do it, you do not do as the world does.  I ignored the prompting of the spirit and instead of having peace, I had guilt for the rest of the day – in fact I had no peace.  There is a reason that our sin is seemingly like its under a microscope and everything is magnified…’s for us to be mindful of our actions and to have it marked as a place of remembrance that next time we make a different decision.  All day I battled with what I had done, I did the very thing that I did not want to do and I was grieved over it.  I woke up the next morning still thinking about it and praying for God to forgive me.  I began to cry and as I cried out to God, I prayed to be more sensitive to the spirit and to yield to his promptings and to make more decisions out of love rather than making decisions based on wounds and emotions.  I began to get very encouraged because I am going through a recovery process and this week we start doing inventory of our past…….I am so excited because I know the things that God will be purging from my past is going to give me a greater capacity for the things of him.  For instance, I am full of hurt and fear and when God removes those wounds, I will have more room for love and mercy.  My heart’s cry to Him is that my desire is to love.  For once, my desire is not for something that is material or tangible.  If my desire is to love, then that will affect any decision that I make, because it will be rooted in love and hopefully I will begin to do more of the things that I want to do rather than what I despise doing.  God’s word says in Psalms that God wants to give us the desires of our heart, but I believe it is Him who gives those desire to us so we become more like Him.

What things do you do that you do not want to do?  Be encouraged that Paul asks a question at the end of this chapter.  Who will set me free from this body of death?  Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!!!

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Posted by on June 6, 2012 in Uncategorized


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