Realize that I am not God, I admit that I am powerless to control my tendancy to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.
Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor. Matthew 5:3
We admitted that we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.
I know nothing good lives in me that is in my sinful nature. for I have the desire to do what is good, but i cannot carry it out. Romans 7:18
Several weeks ago I had a vision that I was married to Obama. (metaphorically God uses celebrities to represent worldly and in this vision Obama represented something worldly and a position of power and/or authority). We were heading home and he mentioned that when we got home that he needed to make some phone calls. I thought to myself that since he spoke spanish that he would make phone calls in spanish and he would most likely call a female of interest and I would never know, that he would deceive me. The second part of the vision is that we are running and he begins to run ahead of me until he is no longer in sight. All of a sudden I approached some military guards and I could see a truck speeding off and I knew he was in the truck. I began to cry hystically and one the guards asked me why I was crying and I cried out that he had left me and it was the second time that day. I realized that at that moment that he was no longer my husband, he was now my father.
I began recovery in late 2009 and have gone through 2 step studies. During this span of time, my accountability partner knowing my family history would ask me from time to time about having a daddy wound. I would respond with no, that my father and I have an amazing relationship and that he is my friend, I no issues with my father.
I was shocked when God revealed this wound. What was my unmanageable behavior as it relates to this wound. The first thing is that I believed a lie based on my reality as a child. My father had multiple affairs, decieved my mother and eventually left our family for someone else. The lie (which was truth to me) was that men lie, cheat and leave. That lie created an unmanageable behavior that started with not trusting a man, putting him under a microscope, fasely accusing him and ultimately sabatoging the relationship and I would receive the very thing that I was most afraid of — he would leave.
God tells us that you cannot heal a wound by saying its not there (Jeremiah 6:14). The good news is that God wanted to reveal a lie I was believing so that I can be healed and actually have a new truth which would harvest a new behavior. God wants me to have great relationships and to believe the best about someone and trust God with the people in my life. The word says that we do not put confidence in the flesh, our confidence must be in God. I know going forward that we are humans and are all subject to sin and I have to be realistic that in this life I will be hurt and when man/woman forsake me, I know God is closer than a brother and He wil not leave me or forsake me. We must remember that sins against us most of the time are not about us, but rather the other person.
How do I step out denial? First start with prayer and ask God for courage the face the pain of the past and reveal what you are running from or like me, what you are unaware of. You must be open and willing, remember you can’t be healed by saying it’s not there. Ask God to reveal any lies that you may be believing that would affect your current reality and he will replace them with his truth.
I love our first step because it uses past tense, (we were powerless). One day this will be your testimony that you have overcome and your unmanageable behavior is behind you and it will not be in your strength, but through God. It’s hard to believe that our lives can be different, but nothing is impossible with God.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil. 4:13
For I am sure of this, He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion. Phil. 1:6