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Monthly Archives: April 2013

Action

Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him to help you do it and he will. Psalm 37:5

How do we get unstuck? How do we get past the barriers of pride, fear, guilt, worry and doubt that keep us from taking this step? We need to take action.

After I was kidnapped I was bound to my parent’s home and their care for two long years. As you know, God began to restore my life back to me, but even though I moved away from home and gained my independence back, I was still very emotionally dependant on my parents. I would become frightened a lot of the time and it was not uncommon that I called my parents all times of the day or night. They were the only safe people that I had in my life. I could not let myself fully trust another person. One day I got a call from my parents and I was not expecting the news they were about to give me. They told me that they were moving to our ranch, which is about 3 hours away. I was devasted and I cried. I was terrified and I thought something bad would happen to me and they would not be able to rush to my rescue. I felt that I needed them and that I could not be separated with that distance between us. Over time I became more and more upset at the thought of them moving and one night the Lord gave me a vision and he basically implied that I was being selfish. I woke up the next morning and of course I was very upset and I was upset both by my parents leaving and also for the thought of being selfish. Who was I to dictate the plan that God had for them. I repented and asked for forgiveness. I also had to take action with my faith that day that God knew what He was doing that He was perfectly capable of taking care of me. How could I doubt and be in fear afterall the miracles I had received. God had spoken through a woman on TV when I was contemplating suicide, she screamed with urgency that Nothing was impossible with God. He provided a miracle with the provision of my counseling, he sent someone to counsel me at a hospital that was at the end of street, back then I could not drive, nor could I be out of my parent’s sight for more than a few minutes. I did not earn a lot of money back then because I could not function in society and God provided income from the state for my counseling. It was one miracle after another. How could I not trust God with my safety? At some point during this, God gave me a beautiful scripture, Psalm 91 — I quote this scripture every night before I go to bed. ‘I do not have to fear the terror of the night or the arrow that flies by day, I do not have to fear the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the destruction that lies waste in the noonday, a thousand may fall at my side and ten thousand at my right hand, but it shall not approach me’.

There were many nights that I was afraid and could not sleep and I would just quote this scripture over and over until I fell asleep. The word began to take root in my heart. As I put my faith into action and began to believe God could take care of me. I realized that God had to move my parents, it was like cutting an ambilical cord, I needed to receive life on my own through God. My dependence on my parents was unhealthy for me. Also, I realized that God had amazing plans for my parents. Both of my parents are gifted evangelists and the small town that they moved to needed the refreshment and light that they brought. My parents started a restaurant and it is solely dedicated as a ministry. People think they are coming to eat great food, but they have divine encounters with Jesus as my parents are the hands extended of Him. How selfish of me to hold my parents back from being able to give to others that are in need.

Today, I am in a much better place as I have learned to allow God to take care of me. It was one of the scariest things that I had faced during my recovery, but I am so thankful that I took action by releasing it to God. My action was taking the step to blindly trust that he is capable and nothing is too difficult for him.

One of the things that I used to do when I was still living with my parents, I used to sit outside every night and watch the sunset. It was how I connected with God and I used to say to him, that if he was big enough to create the universe and hold the stars in their place, then my small problem should be easy for him. That is what I do today, when I am missing my parents or having a rough time emotionally, I still go outside and sit and just look at the sky, I talk to God about my small problem as I am measuring to the vast expanse of the sky, stars and moon. Then I am able to put things in His perspective of what I am giong through. Just as God has cared for me and provided miracle provision, either with money or the empowerment to carry out every step of my journey. The same is true for you, no matter what you are facing. Ask God to show you what is the barrier that is keeping you from taking this action to turn it over to him. Could it be fear, pride, worry, guilt, anger, addiction, abuse, bad decision, missed opportunities, to name a few. Trust him and he will help you do it.

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Posted by on April 19, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

Turn

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2

We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over the to the care of God.

How do you Turn your life over to the one and only Higher Power, Jesus Christ? When I made a decision to accept Jesus as my savior that was an action of Turn. However, in my journey I am constantly at the crossroads to turn situations, circumstances and decisions over to God. After I had been kidnapped I realized very quickly that I was extremely clausterphobic. Reasonably so, I was taken and held against my will for 12 hours. However, after God began to give my life back to me, I was still somewhat emotionally crippled. I still had a lot of limitations. Having a conversation with a dear friend, she was trying to convince to fly to see her over Christmas one year. The conversation literally made me break out in a sweat. I can’t do that. I have not been on a plane in 15 years and I just think that something terrible would happen to me when I realized I was stuck and had no escape route. I will panic. Over the course of several months she kept bringing up the subject. I did not connect the dots at the time, but I kept having dreams about calling 911. I would call and I would get disconnected, or if I got an operator she would hang up or that they did not know my location and I screamed, don’t you have GPS!? I was frantic! One day, I was thinking about flying to Chicago to see my friend. I said, Lord I know your word and you say that Nothing is impossible with you! I don’t know how to get on a plane, but nothing is impossible. That night I had another 911 dream, I called and a fire truck actually showed up!!! The disconnect was that I was limiting God and his word. I tried in vain to do it in my own power and just as the word says, with man this is impossible, but with God ALL things are possible. So I got serious. I put my faith into action. I decided to go on a radical fast for 40 days. I was letting God know I was serious and I told him that I needed to hear from him. I divided it up in 1 week increments, one week I gave up food, the next week I gave up all contact with my friends, the next week I gave up TV. I did that for 40 days and also, I purchased a series from Creflo Dollar on Fear. Half way through my fast, I was driving down to visit my mother which is about an hour drive. I put in a CD and I am driving and all of a sudden, Creflo screamed, GET ON THE PLANE!!! Oh my goodness, I pulled over, I could not believe what I just heard! I began crying and laughing at the same time. I called my friend to share with her that I just got a direct order from God!! He came through!!! Needless to say I got on the plane and my worst nightmare did not happen, I was able to relax and enjoy the plane ride to Chicago. God literally did the impossible. I overcame my fear and got on a plane after 15 long years. Now let’s put this in the context of everything. You may not have my impossibility. However, you have been struggling with something for 15 years or longer, and you cannot imagine your life without it because it’s always been there and it seems impossible to you. I challenge you to have child like faith, TURN towards God and agree that nothing is impossible with him, that he has the power to help you overcome ANY obstacle. You may want to be as radical as me and go on a fast — make it very sacrificial and ask to him from him directly. Make that decision today to turn towards God and away from what is holding you captive to something. From time to time the Lord asks me to repent from certain things. One of the things he specifically asked me to repent of was that I was not capable of being a good wife…God would continually give me Proverbs 31 and I would disagree with him. Today I believe I will be a good wife, but only through Him. The word repent literally means to change direction. As long as I agreed with that, I gave it power in my life. Every thing can change, but first we have to repent, turn or change the direction of how we think about something. The second part of our foundational scripture states that we must transform the way we think so that way we can have and see God’s will for our lives instead of what we are getting which is stuck.

God loves you so much and wants only the best for you.

 
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Posted by on April 13, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

Sanity

For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Philippians 2:13

Insanity is described as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result each time. The definition of sanity is wholeness of mind; making decisions based on the truth. How do we cyle in insanity?

It is entirely possible for us to believe a lie, however, that lie is truth to us. If sanity is basing decision on the truth, then if we are believing a lie, which is our truth and we make decisions based on that lie, that creates insanity in our lives. Let me help you.

I discovered in recovery that I was a self loather. To loathe = Feel intense dislike or disgust for. detest – abhor – abominate – means to hate or have intense aversion.

I could say that I hated myself. I wanted to change everything about me and I was in a dangerous place of constantly coveting and comparing myself to others. When I say that I wanted to change everything about me, literally means that I wanted to pay a surgeon to alter most everything about me…..I wanted about 5 procedures done from the top of my head to my chin alone. I wanted straight narrow hips and I wanted to have my hips broken……what if a quack was willing to do that for me? Can you imagine the constant pain I would be in for the rest of my life, or perhaps the limp I would have, IF I could even walk again??? That is insanity!!!

What were the consequences and decisions made based on my truth (lie)? I had no respect for myself, I did not see myself valuable. I did not care how I treated myself and I did not care how you treated me. I would allow you to abuse me and I would take responsibility for it. I had a low self esteem. I had unhealthy relationships and friendships. I did not like my picture taken because I could not stand to look at myself. I was self destructive by doing drugs and unconsciencely trying to kill myself. I never had high goals or aspirations for myself, because I felt that I was not worthy or could not accomplish them. These are just a few to make my point. My own personal truth affected my life everyday, I lived in a cycle of insanity.

But thank goodness for Celebrate Recovery. It’s a place where God and truth collide. God has brought sanity to my life. First by convincing me of how much he loves me. Second, by giving me His truth for me. What is his truth……revealing the root issue and where the lies began. The root was a very critical person in my life as a child which molded my thought processes and I began to think like that person as it related to me. His truth is that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139)– in the hebrew those words mean awesome and distinct. Through my feet which I hated too, I learned to embrace them, but also began my jorney of embracing myself. The Lord would give me Isaiah 44 – how lovely on the mountains are the FEET of him who bring the good news. God says my feet are lovely and I began to see them lovely too.

God’s word says that in Romans 12:2 — that we are not to be conformed to the patterns of this world, but we are to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. The world sets standards for what is beautiful, but God says that we do not conform or adopt the standards of the world…….we have to change our thinking. That is what God has done for me today. He has renewed my mind with His love and with his word. I literally prayed that God would show me as He sees me. Oh how he loves prayers like that — I believe he responded with a smile and replied, I would love to, thank you so much for asking.

What things do you do over and again expecting for change or for different results? What lies are you believing that have become truth to you? Reach out to your Heavenly Father and ask him to reveal any lies that you are believing that are affecting the decisions that you are making that create insantity in your life.

Pray with me: Dear God, I have tried to fix and control my life’s hurts, hang ups and habits all by myself. I admit that by myself, I am powerless to change. I need to begin to believe and receive your power to help me recover. You loved me enough to send your Son to the cross to die for my sins. Help me be open to the hope that I can only find in Him. Please help me to start living my life one day at a time. In Jesus’ name, AMEN!

 
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Posted by on April 1, 2013 in Uncategorized