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Monthly Archives: June 2013

Amends

Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others.

How do we make amends? You must face the hurts, resentments and wrongs others have caused you, or wrongs that you have caused others. Holding on to resentments not only blocks your recovery, but blocks God’s forgiveness in your life. Do not judge others and God will not judge you, do not condemn others, and God will not condemn you, forgive others and God will forgive you. Luke 6:37

Make a list. On your inventory, there is a list of people who have harmed you and there should be people you have harmed. Do you need to add anyone else? Before you offer your amends, you should meet with someone accountable because they can encourage you by giving you their valuable objective opinion, which will ensure that your motives stay on track. You need to offer amends humbly, sincerely and willingly. Do not offer excuses or attempt to justify your actions. Focus on your part and do not expect anything back. This step requires courage, good judgment and willingness. Also, it’s key to be prayerful, ask Jesus for his guidance and direction. This crucial part of recovery and being humble and offering forgiveness/amends will open doors of the impossible for you.

Explain how holding on to your past resentments and guilt has blocked your recovery?

Now you are ready to make a list:

I owe amends to:
I need to forgive:

In the amends process, we use a phrase, ‘not for them’. Amends is focused on your part? Explain what ‘not for them’ means.

What does ‘don’t expect anything back’ mean to you?

I hope this song helps you in your process of amends !

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

Victory

And I am sure that God who began a good work within you will keep right on helping you grow in his grace until his task within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns. Philippians 1:6

We are entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

How can you have victory over your defects of character? You must voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in your life and ask him to remove your shortcomings. Identify which character defects you want to work on first. Go back to the wrongs, shortcomings, and sins you discovered in your inventory. You must change your mind, the changes that are going to take place are a result of a joint effort – your responsibility is to take the action to FOLLOW God’s direction for the change. Turn your character defects over to God, relying on your own willpower has blocked your recovery. Remember that recovery is a process, don’t look for perfection, but rejoice in steady progress. Choose to change, which requires humility. We need to humbly ask God to remove all our shortcomings and rely on his power to change you.

One of the character defects I had was anger. Post recovery, I realize that any defect or unmanageable behavior is merely a symptom of something deeper. I have explained in previous blogs that our defects are a symptom. God showed me it that it is like a fever. The fever is an indicator of something more underlying, such as an infection. We treat the fever, but we really need to address the issue causing the fever. It’s the same for us. We have a lot of symptoms, but we must go to the very root, which will eliminate the symptom. One way my anger comes out is on the road. I prayed for years to God asking why I was so aggressive on the road. One day he showed me a vision of me taking my frustration out on the road. The very thing transpired that day when I was driving. I was confused and I called my sponsor. She asked me what happened that day. I told her nothing, but something happened that week that really hurt my feelings. My sponsor knows me pretty well and she realizes that I have spent a life time denying my feelings which started as a young child never being allowed to express my emotions. She taught me to address my hurt that week with God and ask for healing. Because I have a tendency to not properly acknowledge my feelings, I have to make sure that I inventory every time I get hurt or angry now. Sometimes because of my schedule, I forget to inventory specific things that happen. When I am driving and if I realize that I am being aggressive on the road, I stop and ask myself what has happened within the past couple of days? I always remember something and I stop and inventory that occurrence and I begin to feel peace and drive without aggression. It is something that I have to be constantly aware of. It’s like a fever, letting me know that something underlying is bothering me and I need to settle the matter with God. I am technically not a person that struggles with anger, it is just an emotion that surfaces when I am subconsciously suppressing my feelings. Whatever defects you exhibit are just symptoms of something more underlying. It’s important not to focus on your symptoms, because they don’t define you. It’s important to surrender to God, so he can reveal the underlying issue, just like he did with me. The anger defect that I have struggled with has caused damage in my relationships and I have even been judged and called a hypocrite because of my anger. Being judged and called names was very hard for me because I knew that I was not an angry person.

1. As you voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in your recovery, how does Romans 12:1 help you know that real positive change is possible?

2. List the changes that you want to ask God to help you work on now. Will you work on them?

3. God’s word teaches us that real change comes from the changing of our minds. We must take the positive action required to follow God’s directions. List the actions that you need to take to begin working on the defects of character that you listed in question 2.

Defect of character:

I need to stop doing:

I need to start doing:

4. List the specific ways that you have turned from relying on your own willpower to relying on God’s will for your life.

5. What does humility mean to you? How will being humble allow you to change?

Dear God, show me your will in working on my shortcomings. Help me not to resist the changes that you have planned for me. I need you to direct my steps. Help me stay in today, not get dragged back into the past or lost in the future. I ask you to give me the power and the wisdom to make the very best I can out of today. In Christ’s name, Amen.

 
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Posted by on June 22, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

Ready

Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life and humbly ask Him to remove my character defects.

We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires. Matt. 5:5
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:10

What does it mean to be entirely ready? God is a gentleman. He didn’t force his will on you. He waited for you to invite Him in. It has been said that willingness is the key that goes into the lock and opens the door that allows God to begin to remove your character defects. Recovery is not a quick fix, you need to allow God time to work in your life. This principle will not only help you stop doing the wrong thing, but goes after the very defect that causes you to sin. Being willing will help you to be ready for God’s help throughout your transition.

You have spent a lot of time with you old hurts, habits and hang-ups, compulsions and obsessions. When God removes one, you must replace it with something positive or of God’s attributes.

Remember, I wrote a few weeks ago about having a father wound because he left our family for another woman. This wound caused me to fearful in relationships, falsely accuse men, fear that they were lying, etc. When God revealed that wound, I asked him to heal the deep hurt of abandonment and to remove all the lies that I have believed associated with that wound and also the actions attached to that wound AND for him to replace those defects with grace, forgiveness, mercy, love, confidence and his truth. My part in this equation is reverse the embedded pathway of coping for 40 years based on this wound. It is going to take lots of prayer, patience and practice to learn a new way to respond to my future relationships. But God says in his word that I can DO all things in Him, who strengthens me! As I wrote above, being ready and willing allows God to go after the thing that causes us to sin. Until God revealed this wound, I would just continue to respond the same old way, but because he went after the thing that caused me to not trust men and abuse them in my fear, I have confidence that I will see men in a totally different light. Not all men are liars and not all men cheat and not all men abandon ship.

1. Have you released control?
2. List areas of your life that you have been able to turn over to Jesus.
3. Sometimes its hard for us to see the positive changes that God is making in our lives, have you been able to accept and enjoy your growth?
4. What does the phrase ‘easy does it’ mean to you? What area of your recovery are you attempting to rush? looking for the quick fix?

Here is some worship to help you in your quiet time with God….

 
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Posted by on June 16, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

Admit

But if we confess our sins, he will forgive our sins, because we can trust God to do what is right. He will cleanse us from all the wrong we have done. 1 John 1:9

Why admit my wrongs? We gain healing that the Bible promises. James 5:16 tells us to admit our wrongs, our sins to one another. When you confess to God, he forgives you of sins confessed to Him, but in James 5:16 says to confess one to another for healing. Sharing our secrets, struggles and failures with another is part of God’s plan of our healing process. We gain freedom because our secrets have kept us in chains, bound up, frozen and unstable to move in our relationships. We also gain support when we share our inventory with another person. They can challenge you when denial surfaces. Have you chosen someone? Our admission of our wrongs must be to God, yourself and someone you trust.

When I was going through my inventory God would take me to scriptures about His judgment. These were additions to my inventory that He would bring to my mind of certain instances of ‘my part’. God may do this for you as well because we all have a part or a role that we played in our past dysfunction.

I will share this portion of my past and what I am about to share was hard for me to face as well as admit…..as I share this I am embarrassed, and like me, you may have a hard time facing your past wrongs, but it leads to our road of healing.

I was in a relationship that to me was very significant. We were two broken people bringing our dysfunction to each other trying to make something work. Our brokenness created a lot of conflict. One way he dealt with the conflict was division, whether it was removing himself from the room, leaving to stay at a hotel, to finally making good on his threats to finally leave for good. One night I had enough of the division…..he went to sleep in another room. I wanted to make a point that I had enough, so I took a mop and struck the couch he was laying on. The mop broke into pieces and a part of the mop barely missed his face. I am not justifying my actions, but what was happening is that his actions were triggering a rejection wound that I had from my birth. I had been physically and emotionally rejected by a parent and when I sensed I was being rejected, I lashed out in my hurt. So when God reminded me of this incident, I was completely humbled, after the fact I saw how out of control I was. In fact, God said to me, if he had done something like that to you, it would terrify you and you would most likely be afraid of him of physically harming you and you would have trouble ever trusting him. WOW, I cried and cried, I had not been physically abusive to anyone and that was a hard thing to admit, I hurt myself and someone else and I was ashamed and embarrassed. I can’t believe I did that!

Thank goodness for recovery because I have learned a lot about my past, myself and have a greater understanding about my unmanageable behavior. I walked away from that relationship admitting that I was a 50% contributor to all the wrong, I had ‘my part’. I could never admit my wrong doing or make amends to that person because I was asked to never contact them. I admitted my wrongs to God, to myself and to another. My amends to that person was a letter that was never mailed. That will come later in our journey, the amends portion helped me to move on and accepting forgiveness from God and for myself.

We are all subject to sin and have been contributors of destruction in our relationships. Here is where honesty is important, no matter how painful, we must face our part if we want healing. Remember inventory is balanced, it is who has hurt me and who have I hurt? Please find someone you trust and confess your sins and pray so that you may be healed.

What areas of your life have you been able to turn over and surrender to Jesus Christ?

List areas of your life that you are still holding on to, attempting to control on your own power.

Explain the difference in seeing a need for change and being entirely ready to accept positive changes in your recovery.

Its very important that you allow God to replace your character defects with positive changes. What are some positive changes that you could make in your recovery? in your family? in your job?

Yes, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Romans 14:12

How are you doing so far? Do you find this process painful? Are you surprised by what God is revealing to you? Are you find you are more clarity?

God so loves you……..I spoke at a prison a few months ago, I was speaking to over 100 broken men, I left them with a beautiful song that God wanted me to share with them and I want you to experience the song too. God was not surprised by you, he knew you before you were formed in your mother’s womb and he knew every decision you would make, every failure and every victory and he has great plans for you, it’s not too late for you, don’t quit and don’t give up!

Youtube —I knew what I was getting into by Misty Edwards.

God so loves you………….

 
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Posted by on June 7, 2013 in Uncategorized