Which comes first?

07 Feb

A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

I have to echo on a teaching from my pastor today because it was so rich and it was so insightful for me and I see what I’ve done in the past, yet I can see what I need to do in the future. He uses an analogy called stay in your lane. What does it mean to stay in your lane? When he counsels couples that are having trouble in their marriage he uses the analogy of the chicken and the egg. Which one comes first? That’s the million-dollar question as it relates to marriage biblically. The Bible gives very specific instructions to the man and he also gives specific instructions to a woman.

In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.b He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.

Wives, in the same way show honor to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives

They are love and honor. God instructs the man to love his wife as Christ loves the church and he even goes on to say that if you deal with your wife treacherously which is another word for deceptive it says that your prayers will be hindered. We also see evidence of this in Malachi 2….Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. In this passage we see God speaking to men flooding the altar with tears because they can see that they have lost favor with God and God goes on to reveal to them that they have dealt treacherously with their wife.

While the wife is supposed to honor her husband. So when couples are in trouble the question gets raised which comes first, love or honor? Because a wife may say how can I honor someone who doesn’t love me or a man my say how can I love someone that doesn’t honor me!? Neither comes before the other that’s what it means to stay in your own lane. As a man you need to obey God and what he instructs you to do according to your wife, the man needs to obey that for his own sake. While the woman needs to obey God in her own right as it relates to her husband. If both parties will stay in their lane it actually allows God to be able to work in the other person as he needs to. If we don’t stay in her own lane and we don’t obey God, we take matters into our own hands and God cannot speak to the other individual and work in their heart, therefore, we take laps around the mountain and delay restoration or reconciliation and even allow ourselves to get in a place of permanent division.

I share things about my past because they were my experiences and I know that God will use them to help other people so I share things not to shame someone who was in my life but it’s really more about me trying to be a living example to show people what to do and what not to do so please see my heart as I begin to share a past experience.

I was in a relationship several years back and we struggled with what comes first. I had a hard time honoring someone who I felt did not love me. I believe he struggled with loving someone who did not honor him. Because we were immature spiritually and did not seek wise counsel, we not only tied the hands of God because we were fighting for our right to be right, but we did not get help in time. I also believe that I opened the door for the enemy because I lured him into an inappropriate act and I believe at that point that we lost whatever protection we had from God. Another thing that would happen is that he would distance himself from me and create division and he would threaten to leave. Division is from the enemy where unity is from God, Psalm 133 says that there is a blessing in unity, so there must be a curse in division. He fulfilled his own prophecy that he would make threats to leave and eventually his promise was manifested. I will never tolerate division in another relationship since it is an anti-christ spirit because it gives the enemy a foothold and I never want to carry out the enemies will, only God’s will. While I am not perfect and I am a work in progress, I have learned from the past and if I make a mistake, I quickly repent, accept responsibility, accept God’s grace and try never to repeat the same mistake.

Going forward, I need to always be mindful of doing things God’s way and stay in my lane. And if I obey Him and honor my husband even though he may not be honorable, the word says that I may win him over with my actions. I allow God to speak to his heart and convict him and reveal any truth to my husband. If I choose my way, I tie God’s hands and lose protection.

The same is true for husbands, if they are deceitful and dishonor and not love us, then their prayers are hindered. Which means there is no protection for our relationship. In proverbs the word says that If a man finds a wife he has found a good thing and finds favor with the Lord, we ALL need God’s favor in order to carry out the plans that God has for us and to be successful in our relationships… bring Heaven to earth as we need his supernatural power and wisdom.

Lastly, because we all have blindspots and lack wisdom, we tend to blame other people, but I can assure you that if you are or have been in a relationship, it was not all their fault. David directs us in a Psalm……. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. We have to stop blaming someone else because we were all a common denominator in a situation and our actions HAVE offended God and the other person — and to get back on his path is to admit our own wicked ways.

So as we are in a covenant and we are doing OUR part by staying in our lanes, praying, consulting him in our decisions, and honoring God by honoring our spouses, we have a Father that is present in our relationship working as the third strand that helps us from becoming broken.

I hope this helps you, it did me!!! God loves you!!!!!

Leave a comment

Posted by on February 7, 2016 in Uncategorized


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: