Last week I posted about how to see a problem as an opportunity. The very next day I was given an opportunity. As I share and teach on emotional intelligence, I have literally done mostly the dont'(s) in life. One day I started asking difficult questions once I was finally ready to face my own demise and be accountable. The sum total of everything that I had received in life was no one else’s responsibility, but mine. The equation for any type of change is this: think + be + do = have. If you don’t like what you have, you must go back to way that you think. Most of my don’t(s) were driven with pride, negative thinking, complaining and blame. Today, my ‘have’ is much better. My circumstances did not change, no one in my life changed, the storms in my life did not stop raging……..my thought life is what is slowly turning the ship around in my favor. I say all that to say that I get the opportunity to share with people their ‘how to(s)” from personal experience, not just head knowledge. I have seen this put into action, not only in my life, but also investing 5 years into other’s lives and seeing their transformation.
I am in sales and I always find myself in roles where employers want me facilitate innovative ideas that go against the grain. I am so grateful for these opportunities because I always pray that God will do things in and through me that has never been done before in organizations. The only thing negative when doing this is that since there is no system in place, there is no security and things get changed quite often. My general manager came to me a couple of weeks ago and let me know that I was doing such a great job in business development that he was taking some accounts out of my name and handing them to an outside sales rep. That upset me because that directly affects my commission. He said that he had been thinking about for a couple of weeks and this was the third time he has changed the structure of my responsibilities. I was getting a little frustrated because of all the changes, but when it began to affect my pocket took it to another level for me.
If I am going to lead with high emotional intelligence:
A. I have to first be silent when I am being presented with a negative situation. At first response to negativity our brains default to the limbic part of our brain where we have emotions. I never want to respond from my emotions. When I respond from my emotions I am capable of saying things I regret and doing things that will have possible long term consequences. This can cost me pay increases, promotions and ultimately separation from my organization.
B. Problem vs. Opportunity. Emotional quotient 101 for me is shifting my paradigm to see difficulty as opportunity. If I make that simple shift, and simply by seeming my situation as an opportunity, I am filled with hope, I can learn from it and find a solution.
C. Trust. This is one of the core competencies in EI and this is one of the hardest. I need to trust that even though people’s decisions affect me, that I can benefit from it no matter what. You also need to trust that opportunities can work in your favor IF you respond properly. Employers will promote someone simply for their flexibility. I have had it happen to me.
So here is how my problem became an opportunity. I first told myself that I was not going to get upset and that somehow this was going to work in my favor. Second, I called my district manager and I approached him without complaint, but rather asking for help. How could I make up for the income that I was losing? He responded so positively and said that he did not want to lose me and that he had a couple of ideas. The next day, I found out that he had called my general manager and the outcome was a title change, base increase and double percent increase in my commission structure.
Most people when faced with change and problems immediately respond in fear and anger and then that progresses to disappointment. When you are disgruntled and disappointed a person begins to withhold the best of them from a relationship or their employer. In the end, the only one that is affected is you……you are not teaching your boss a lesson. You are exhibiting a low EQ to your employer and you will be passed over when it comes to growing with the company.
Again, at the end of the day, if you don’t like what you ‘have’ in life, you must go back to way that you think, stop the blame, take ownership and trust that things will work out to your benefit if you respond in a healthy manner.
I leave you with this: An employer will hire you for your IQ, but they will fire you for who you are (EQ).