Who are you?

Who are you?

What is your identity attached to?

I have a friend that I’ve known since the sixth grade. She had a very troubled upbringing and seemed lost and insecure.

One day in her 20s she got an amazing opportunity with a company. This company was well known and it would be considered the titanic of the telecom world. Unsinkable.

I watched her really pour into her position and her investment in her opportunity. She flourished and I believe for once in her life she felt important, she felt valuable and confident.

One day the titanic began sinking. It was unexpected and it was a shock and my friend was devastated!

When the titanic went down, it was understandable that my friend would be in despair for a while.

However, 20 years later my friend did not survive the titanic. It’s been devastating to see how she has not recovered. When that ship went down, everything about her drowned that day.

She has never been able to regain her confidence and pick up and MoveOn, in fact she is dying daily by self-medicating.

The reason why I’m blogging this today is because so many of us have our identities attached to jobs, relationships, homes, cars, income, portfolios, ministries, positions, titles, parenthood……

God did not create you to sink with any titanic… You are a son or daughter of the most high God! You are much more than any of these things 👆👆👆

#beloved
#Godisunsinkable

 

Start in gratitude ..

 

One Way Out is here!

 

Divine Alignments

Ever heard..first comes the alignment, then comes the assignment?

I believe that God intends to use every relationship for a reason, season or a lifetime.

They all have some type of divine assignment and that does not necessarily mean that just because it’s a divine assignment that it has a happy ending. However, Jesus says let nothing go to waste and God’s promises are true that all things work together for good.

I believe that I was divinely connected with someone who I loved very much.
This person did not treat me well, did not see my value, lied to me, kept abandoning me and was duplicitous. Because I felt strongly about our divine connection I continued to keep giving him opportunities to have his words and his actions line up ……

The last straw with me finally happened and I told this person that we were done ….

I was so exhausted with circling mountains with him and I did not care any longer if I was being disobedient by walking away. I literally felt that my life was passing me by and I was missing out on other opportunities because of him……

Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20!

Today I am grateful for him and there is only forgiveness and mercy in my heart ❤️

I believe that God picked someone on the planet who would make me feel so unsafe and so uncomfortable that I would be so desperate to deal with my fears of being in a relationship.

If he would have changed for me I would still have those fears and lies that I believed about relationships.

I just wish I would’ve gotten the lesson sooner than nearly 2 years of being off and on in relationship with this person.

The man God has chosen for me to spend a lifetime with is going to get the BEST of me!!!

Why? Because I made a decision that I was sick and tired of being fearful and feeling unsafe in relationships that I have sought healing and restoration. It was not fair to make every person I dated pay for things that happened to me a long time ago.

I’m so grateful to God that we have opportunities to become better and literally have beauty for ashes.

Always believe the best and trust God that He knows what He is doing – no matter what it looks like because eventually you will see that it worked for your good. 🙏

🖤⚔️➕

 

Inner Vows

Inner vows — God says it’s a sin ….

We make inner vows …..Or a promise in response to something negative that we have encountered….

E.g. (I will never hurt like that again, I will never be broke, when I get some money I will make sure I have more than enough clothes, I will never treat my kids like that, no one in authority will ever tell me what to do).

When you make an inner vow with yourself, you have now become God over that area… And God will never be able to be lord over that area…. such as your relationships, your finances, your work ethic…..

1. Recognize it as sin; 2. Repent, which means you simply change your mind about it; 3. Forgive those who have hurt you; 4. Submit that area to God; 5. Break that off your life in the name of Jesus, and declare a blessing over your life.

I encourage you today to begin praying and asking God are there any inner vows or promises that you’ve made yourself to protect yourself… And submit those to him so he can become Lord over that area of your life. 🖤⚔️➕

 

Reverse negative thinking !

Woo hoo Day 12 of my brain detox!

Transparency is sometimes difficult but as God has called me to stand on stage, for the sake of other people being healed my life is an open book.

I am working on five different fears but doing one at a time …

1. Fear in relationships

Lies I believed: men lie, cheat and leave

Cause & Effect: I do not feel safe
Division, loss

These lies became part of my reality as early as 10 years old by people I loved and trusted …..

The lies and belief system that I developed were based on actions of others affected the way I felt in relationships, it impacted the way that I saw myself and set my relationships up for failure.

Thank goodness for God and the way he created our brains, neuroscience reveals that we can literally reverse damage and create new defaults!

Several days ago, I asked God for the perfect scripture to stand on in building my new thought process ..

Galatians 4: so you are no longer a slave, but a son/daughter, God has made you an heir !

Today God revealed that the truth is we are all subject to be hurt or disappointed unintentionally. The difference for me today is that I don’t have to live in fear and I can believe the best in someone. IF I do get hurt I can trust God that I will recover and that he will work all things together for good.

I no longer have to be a slave to that fear, those thoughts, feeling unsafe.
What the enemy has meant for my harm and my destruction, the Lord will use for good.

Today I have a better chance of going into a relationship and feeling safe and allowing myself to experience true joy where my happiness was stolen in the past because of fear……

I have shared that I can POLL an audience and 99% have experienced fear, rejection and abandonment.

You can reverse the thoughts and triggers and emotions from those events and we can truly live out John 10, that Jesus has come that we may have life and have it more abundantly!

!

 

Have you ever been hurt by a religious organization?

⚠️🚸 caution: you may get enlightened today 🤔

Have you ever been hurt by a religious organization or someone in the church?

I have …..

It’s one of the intersections of my life that I talk about in my ministry …..

This life event for my me was just like a divorce…..

I attended, invested in others, served, gave, others invested in me and was in leadership for 12 amazing years !!!

I was hurt beyond belief, angry and just like in divorce….. I lost a community of people who I thought were my friends!

This happened in 2014 and since then I have the hardest time walking through any church doors….. if I attend, I don’t get involved (just like dating), you don’t want to get too close to anyone for fear of being hurt.

I know that this is all from the enemy and I can see how others would hold a grudge against man or even blame God……

God is not the author of my hurt…..

If you have been hurt and wounded, I am here to say that I understand.

God does not care whether we go to church or not, we don’t go for him, we go for our benefit. The benefits of going to church is obviously to learn God’s word, to enter into corporate worship, to serve, and to align with people and become part of something bigger than who we are.

The enemy comes to create division because he knows that’s where our power is….with aligning with others and learning God’s word and getting to know his character.

And of course he would want to keep you from that…..

Today, I ask if you are like me, and you’ve been wounded, to forgive those who have hurt you, and if you believe God is the author of your hurt, to release forgiveness towards him today…… because he loves you!!

I know that I need continued healing in this area even as a born-again believer, called into ministry, gifted….daughter of God!!

I know that there is power and benefits in community….

Today, I am taking a step towards my healing and I’m gonna walk through some doors today!!!! 🙏👏🏻🖤⚔️➕

It may not be my church home, but I’m going to go and worship the Lord and I’m going to leave my hurt at the altar !!!!

 

Chapter 3 summary of One Way Out

…….Then he commanded me to get on the bike. I did as he commanded fearful of not getting on the bike. He fired it up, peeled out and the terror ride home began. I was screaming all the while sobbing through tears because I am quite literally almost paralyzed with my own fear we’re going so fast. There’s no calming the rage that’s brewing inside him, and the motorcycle is the tool he used to power through the fit of furiousness. I was along for the ride whether I liked it or not. He’s playing chicken with oncoming cars. He eventually swerved in front of a car and I screamed and we ended up on the opposite side of road’s shoulder to avoid the head on collision he tried to create. We came to a stop and my words I said earlier had come back to haunt me because once we came to a stop, John said, ‘I thought that you were not afraid to die’. I believe that was the enemy’s voice. One thing is for sure. God was with us on that bike and I wasn’t meant to die there, because if it were up to him I believe he would have killed us both for my actions that night.

 

One Way Out …..

This is a chapter summary of Chapter 2 in my book proposal……

Spiritual Beginnings
In this chapter, the author summarizes a life of destruction by the time that she is 30 years old. “By the time I was 30 years old I had quit high school, been married and divorced, became a crack addict, been arrested more times than most men, had 3 abortions, became addicted to prescription drugs. I attracted men and women alike who would not see my value, developed an anxiety disorder and ended up with cancer. It’s no wonder that I ended up sick. I was emotionally sick and self-destructive. The lies that I believed controlled the way that I thought, which changed the way that I spoke and ultimately affected what I attracted in my life”. The author’s life will be indirectly changed by her father’s hospital visit from a local pastor. The power of prayer changes everything!

 

One Way Out – memoir by CK Kirtley

Here is another sneak peek of my memoir ‘One Way Out’ which is soon to be released.

Because of the dysfunctional foundation that was being laid out for me, it affected the way I saw myself and the choices that I made. Fast forwarding through 20+ years, I have gone through dropping out of high school, my own divorce, struggled as a crack addict, been arrested several times and put on probation, had three abortions, and survived cancer. If all of this was not enough to go through I was faced with the most difficult battle of my life. I was kidnapped in the Dallas area, blind folded, tied up, and held against my will for 12 agonizing hours. As I was being held by my captor, he told me precisely how he was going to kill me……